💸 The $60 Million Dud

When it comes to terrible investments, this one is right up there. Even Clive Palmer seems to know it now.

The mining billionaire told the Daily Telegraph he’s “too old for politics” after sinking $60 million into his latest and last political brainwave: the Trumpet of Patriots campaign.

📉 Results That Blew

Despite the massive spend, Palmer’s party pulled just over 3 percent of the vote in Queensland and less than 2 percent nationally. Not even meme-worthy ads or appearances on an Olympic diver’s podcast could save him.

🎙️ The Dive Into Gen Z Politics

In an attempt to connect with younger voters, Palmer even appeared on Sam Fricker’s podcast — yes, the reserve-grade Olympic diver turned TikTok personality.

It turns out, being relatable isn’t as easy as some softball questions behind a mic. 

🥫 Could’ve Fed a Nation

Palmer also says he’s donated $5 million to Foodbank — which is genuinely great. But it begs the question: what if that entire $60 million had gone toward something with actual impact?

💔 Ad Agencies in Mourning

It’s a dark day for the marketing execs who cashed in on the Trumpet of Patriots. That gravy train just hit the brakes.

📵 Silver Lining?

At least next election, our phones might receive no unsolicited Clive Palmer texts.